Feeling better...

I found out some news on Friday that has made a HUGE improvement on how I'm feeling. Turns out I had a completely "normal" miscarriage. In the mist of all the chaos that day I misunderstood what the reason was for the miscarriage. I was under the impression that the placenta had pulled away from the wall and caused a lot of bleeding which ended in a huge blood clot the crushed the baby...Wrong! Our baby actually probably died a day or two before Sunday and the cramps and bleeding I had Sunday night was my body getting rid of the embryo. As my body was contracting the baby out, that's when the placenta pulled from the wall and the bleeding occurred. What was sent to the lab after that D&E contained no baby, so (and sorry if this grosses people out) what i actually felt fall out in the toilet Monday morning( and it was quite big) was actually the baby. I feel awful now for flushing it, but i had no idea i should have pulled it out. So unfortunately we couldn't sent it to the lab but they are almost positive that it was a chromosomal abnormality with the baby and that caused the miscarriage. Of course I'm still sad the pregnancy didn't last but I understand this is natures way of taking care of a child that would have had major problems. It feels so good to know that there isn't something wrong with my body that killed a healthy baby and it was nothing I did or could have prevented from happening.