29...

So I turned 29 on Thursday, not sure how i feel about that. Its really quite weird to think that I am almost 30. I remember thinking how old 30 seemed and that it would be forever till I was. 30's not old at all in fact i feel quite young. I really feel like I'm still 18 or something. I also thought I would have a child by now. I always had it in the my head to have a baby by the time I was 30. So this better happen fast, I'm running out of time to have a baby by 30. Well I suppose i technically do have a baby and i am a Mom. Its hard to believe that because I don't have the baby in my arms or belly and I only new him/her for 6weeks. I hope someday to find out who that baby was! I have to keep reminding myself not to focus on what i don't have right now and focus on the great things i do have. I have a great husband, I own my own house, i have a cuddly cat even if she has a serious attitude problems sometimes, we both have nice cars, I can pay all my bills and still have money left over to do fun things, we both have good jobs that aren't being threatened by the economy, we have great parents and great friends. So really I do have tons of good things but I still can't help but wish for just one more things, a baby!

Anyway I got a Wii for my birthday and I'm sad to say I'm quite addicted. I've already suffered from Wii arm, shoulder and rib cage, that's sad huh? I've also all ready smashed the ceiling fan with my hand and I wasn't even playing baseball or tennis, it was bowling??? How does your hand hit a ceiling fan while bowling, who knows! Luke took me out to The Melting Pot for my B-day dinner. We just had one open in the area and it was so amazing, I definitely recommend going. It was so nice to just sit and talk and enjoy the dinner, it took us about 2hrs to have the whole meal. This was our first time every eating fondue and we loved it. We started off with a cheese fondue followed by our main course and we choose to cook ours in broth instead of oil and it was delicious and of course we ended with chocolate fondue, i was seriously scrapping the last of it out of the pot. We ended the night with a few drinks at Chick's, it had been awhile since I have been there and it hasn't changed at all, still all the same people! All in all, it was a very good b-day and I'm off to open up my Wii fit and check that out!

These are the things my husband makes me do just for a laugh. Check this out Heather, I'm pretty bad-ass at guitar hero as well! I think I might regret posting this picture later!

Feeling better...

I found out some news on Friday that has made a HUGE improvement on how I'm feeling. Turns out I had a completely "normal" miscarriage. In the mist of all the chaos that day I misunderstood what the reason was for the miscarriage. I was under the impression that the placenta had pulled away from the wall and caused a lot of bleeding which ended in a huge blood clot the crushed the baby...Wrong! Our baby actually probably died a day or two before Sunday and the cramps and bleeding I had Sunday night was my body getting rid of the embryo. As my body was contracting the baby out, that's when the placenta pulled from the wall and the bleeding occurred. What was sent to the lab after that D&E contained no baby, so (and sorry if this grosses people out) what i actually felt fall out in the toilet Monday morning( and it was quite big) was actually the baby. I feel awful now for flushing it, but i had no idea i should have pulled it out. So unfortunately we couldn't sent it to the lab but they are almost positive that it was a chromosomal abnormality with the baby and that caused the miscarriage. Of course I'm still sad the pregnancy didn't last but I understand this is natures way of taking care of a child that would have had major problems. It feels so good to know that there isn't something wrong with my body that killed a healthy baby and it was nothing I did or could have prevented from happening.

Our Snowdrop...

_Little Snowdrop_

The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.
The little one we long for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says that we do love you.

Author Unknown

Things around here are starting to get a little better. Of course we are still hurt but a lot of that hurt is slowly going away. Some days it feels like I was never really pregnant and some days I wake up hoping I still am. We have a post-op appt with our Dr next Friday and we should be able to learn more about what happened and it anything was chromosomally wrong with the baby. It will be a little while till we get to try again, my body needs a little break but we are in no way giving up yet, we have 9 amazing little embryos waiting for a chance at life!!!

Sad News...

Unfortunately our pregnancy happiness has come to an end. Our baby was sent to heaven yesterday. As the placenta started burrowing into my uterus it hit a big blood vessel and caused me to bleed a whole lot. This all started Sunday night and continued into the morning. We went to the Dr and had an ultrasound that showed a huge hematoma in my uterus that had crushed the baby. This morning we have the D&E to removed everything that's left in there. We are both very sad but we know we have 9 more frozen babies to try with, I'm just hoping we'll get blessed again and everything will go right next time.

5weeks and 2day preggo...

This morning was our first ultrasound to see Baby U. I was so nervous and have been since I found out that i was pregnant that what needed to be there wouldn't be there but it was thank god. We saw 1 gestational sac, that's the big black circle in the middle of the picture. That means only 1 of our eggs implanted itself , However when looking for the yolk sac, that's the blurry shadow at the bottom of the black circle, Dr Fiedler thinks he may see 2 of those. That would mean our 1 egg has split and we might have identical twins. This is no guarantee, we go back next Friday for our 6 week ultrasound and we should know for sure then. It was still to early to see or hear a heartbeat, next week we should be able to see the heartbeat but not hear it yet. We are so excited yet I'm slightly nervous again till i get to see our baby next week. I suppose I will be nervous for the rest of my life that something will happen to our baby! Anyway good news so far and we continue to pray our baby(ies) stay strong!!

Results are in...

Sorry for the wait, I know everyone is dying to know the outcome of IVF#1
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This picture should speak for itself. Much to our surprise IVF #1 so far has answered our prayers. My beta levels on 11dpo were 24.3 and on 13dpo were 89.5. We got the call on Tuesday from our nurse and our pregnancy was confirmed. Its still very very early but we are hoping for a really strong and sticky baby. We go in for our first ultrasound on 1/9 and I will be 5weeks and 3days at that time. They will be checking to make sure there is a yolk sac there, we may or may not hear a heartbeat yet, that usually starts around 6 weeks.

Thanks to everyone who has send prayers and thoughts our way. Baby U thanks everyone for bringing a little piece of him/her to life and we'll see you in September! Our due date is 9/9/09!